Emotional freedom technique (EFT) is something that I discovered from Mary who had on many occasions recommended this technique to help me. So finally one day when I'd had enough of the fact that people who had secondary wounded me were coming back into my life for some reason or another and I decided to give it a try as I felt that I needed more help with this. Anyway this is a drug free method of helping yourself that is free of cost and you can start straight away and do it anytime you feel like it.

Basically EFT is simple as you basically tap with your fingertips on meridian or acupressure points that help to disrupt negative energy flows. EFT has helped to give people relief from pain, disease and emotional issues such as Post traumatic stress disorder, childhood abuse and sexual assault survivors. People who use EFT find their overall stress levels reduce and their positive energy levels increase. So if you want to find out more information go to

Basically once you discover the points to tap on you lead into tapping by saying "even though I have this I deeply and completely accept myself". So when you put this into practice it is important to be specific about what you want to change within yourself. For Example, "Even though I have a fear of public speaking I deeply and completely accept myself". It is recommended that you give how you feel a score out of 10 with 10 being most intense feelings and 1 being least intense feelings. This way you can gauge your improvements as your feeling's intensity and scores continue to usually decrease so that what once really upset, distressed and bothered you no longer upsets, distresses or bothers you. Sound good? Then give it a go.

Another technique can be what is called the movie technique where you talk through your trauma remembering as much as you can, try to pretend you are in a movie, stop when something upsets, distresses or bothers you and tap on that feeling until your intensity score become lower or easier to manage. When you are able continue the movie while continuing to tap on those troubling feelings. Another suggestion is that you chose to work on things that don't upset you as much in the initial stages of using EFT.

When I started doing EFT what really surprised me was how many things I still hadn't even dealt with and what's more I didn't know how upset, distressed and bothered I felt about some things. But you know what I have found to be the beauty of EFT is that you really do learn to deeply and completely accept and appreciate yourself, which is an extremely important concept for survivors of trauma to learn and embrace. I will outline for you some of the examples I used in relation to the rape

"Even though I deeply regret meeting the man who raped me I deeply and completely accept myself" 6/10

Even though I regret having to draw this painful lesson of rape into my life .. 7/10

I didn't trust other people who had been quietly warning me 5/10

I unknowingly went into his house of horrors

The man who raped me was like Dr Jeckyll/Mr Hyde

I feel I was duped 8/10

I didn't know what to do 3/10

I was lied to, controlled and manipulated 3/10

I felt helpless, hopeless and vulnerable

I was unaware of the danger

I made a big mistake

I felt I was too trusting and naïve

I felt shock, disbelief and trauma

I felt unbearable pain, anger, grief and loss

I feel my choices and control were taken away from me

I feel I was drugged

I feared that I was going to die on the night of the rape 10/10 then 6/10

I feared the Swiss army knife he had and I was frightened I would be stabbed

I can't breathe

I wanted to be invisible,

I wanted to be anywhere, but there

I was pushed around

I wanted him to leave me alone, to stop touching and hurting me

I wanted to say ''no", 'stop" and "go away"

I feel that I couldn't think straight while I was under the extreme pressure of the rape

I feel that if I gave the man who raped me what he wanted then I might survive

The man who raped me targeted me to be a victim

I fear being used and abused

I felt that he treated me as if I didn't matter

I felt confused, scared and frightened

I was frozen with fear, numb and unable to act

I disassociated from the experience of the rape to protect myself

I couldn't save myself from the verbal, physical and sexual assault

I feared being held against my will like a hostage

I felt like a caged animal

I felt like a blow up doll

I feel the man who raped me treated me with disrespect and disregard

I feel that I was not heard

I feel that the man who raped me chose to ignore me

I feel like he could do what he wanted to me

I feared the anger and aggression of the man who raped me 6/10

I attracted an unsafe and dangerous man into my life

I fear men

I didn't take the risk to try to escape

I didn't trust my instincts

My breasts were bitten and bruised

He treated me in an unloving manner

Healing and recovery

I have this invisible scar that I'm not allowed to discuss

I was shaken to the core

I felt like a sacrificial lamb

I felt like the walking wounded

I felt like an angry volcano trying to erupt

I felt sick and unable to breathe

I shake

My back hurts

There is tension in my body because of pent up anger from the rape

I lost my smile

It was an overwhelming experience

I feel like I'm a shadow of my former self

I felt like I was burned, stripped bare, left to wilt, fray and lose it

I'm away with the fairies

I needed love and affection instead I got abused

I was hurt on many levels

I felt like I was living an ongoing nightmare in aftermath of the rape

I continue to have to experience painful reminders and triggers

My life is not the same since the rape

I feel guilty that it was difficult for me to even realise what was actually happening and then it was too late

I feel that I have to do so many things to heal and recover

I feel like it will take forever to heal and recover

It's a long road to heal and recover

I fear that I will never heal and recover

Secondary wounding experiences

I had to endure numerous painful secondary wound experiences

Those people who chose to lie and wound me destroyed my trust

Some of my friends didn't know how to help me

Some of my friends judged me

I feel betrayed

I felt like I am now very different to others who haven't been abused

I didn't die that night, but the way some people treated me it might have been easier for them if I had died 8/10

I find it hard to forgive those people who chose to secondary wound me

Choosing not to prosecute

I feel guilty about not signing my statement to the police

I feel guilty about not taking the risk to go to court to get justice for fear that I'd be blamed and violated again

I fear the justice system

I fear the risk of receiving secondary wounding from the police, legal system and the man who raped me

I fear that I haven't been able to protect other women because I haven't prosecuted him

I fear seeing him again and hearing him distort the truth

Fear of not being believed

Fear of being re-victimised

Fear of him threatening and actually harming me again

I feel powerless, too scared and frightened to take him to court to risk further control, lies and manipulations

Fear of being judged for doing what I did or didn't do to survive

Fear of being judged for being passive

Future relationships

It feels as if it's impossible for me to have a wonderful healthy and healing relationship

I'm scared to surrender myself to being in a relationship

My strengths and attracting positives

Even though I deserve better

I deserved to be treated with love, respect, kindness and tenderness

I am a strong and courageous woman

I am a survivor

I forgive myself for drawing this experience and man into my life

My old personality was that I'm a victim and that people abuse me. I'm going to change my perspective because of these experiences

That was my old personality. Now I have a new identity. I am good, talented, secure and prosperous, with friends who respect me

I am successful and rich in all aspects of my life.

I fill my body with love and security

Everything in my life goes well

I prefer to live my life in the present moment

I prefer to forgive myself and other people for hurting me

I prefer to be my own best friend to support and accept myself always

I prefer to have more ease, peace and calm in my life

I choose to release my guilt

I accept intimacy into my life

My body is calm and peaceful

I am seen and heard

I am believed

I am powerful and in control of my life choices

I can think clearly in times of extreme pressure

I have friends who treat me with respect

I chose friends who are safe, trustworthy, honest, loving, kind and caring

I am learning how to trust myself and other people

I choose to forgive myself and other people for past hurts and resentments

I prefer to experience a wonderful, healthy and healing relationship

I prefer to attract men who are safe, honest and trustworthy

In everyday in every way I prefer to feel love that is safe and that is there now

I am letting go

I let the tension flow away from my body

I prefer to congratulate myself for handling my stress, tension and triggers

I prefer to mobilise my inner healing and creative powers

I prefer to accept my feelings rather than fight them

I prefer to know what I feel and understand why I feel the way I do

Our belief system are those things we believe about ourselves that affects how to treat ourselves, interact with other people and they can also affect our health and wellbeing. Our thinking, feelings and beliefs can be either negative or positive. Some schools of thought consider that negative belief system can create illness in people's lives. Most of our belief systems exist on a subconscious level so we may not even be aware that how we think, feel and believe affects so many things. So I have included some of our most common belief systems that have been known to affect people's health and wellbeing adversely so that if you like you may want to use EFT on these belief systems

1. I have to be strong - remember that we often make impossible demands on ourselves

2. It's not right for me to be angry

3. If I'm angry, I will not be lovable

4. I'm responsible for the whole world - instead, try 'I am a guide for myself and other people'

5. I can handle anything- instead, remember that 'whatever I do is good enough

6. I'm not wanted - I'm not lovable

7. I don't exist unless I do something, I must justify my existence

8. I have to be very ill to deserve being taken care of (Mate, 2003:231-239)

Instead challenge some of these unhelpful belief systems and add in some positive new beliefs that will enhance your wellbeing

"Even though I have to be strong I deeply and profoundly appreciate myself"

Even though I often make impossible demands on myself..

I prefer to have personal power

I choose to accept that it's ok to be angry about injustices

I sometimes feel angry; I am still lovable

I prefer to guide myself and other people

I prefer to know that whatever I do is good enough

I am wanted and I am lovable

I exist perfectly exactly as I am

I prefer to be my own best friend who is able to love and care for my own needs

For more information and a free downloadable eBook explaining EFT and how to use it go to <>

To see an outline of the stages in Evelyn's journey

Chapter 1 of her journey 'Love, not Time, Heals all Wounds'

Chapter 2 'Be careful of the men you choose'

Chapter 3 'The Loss of the Age of Innocence'

Chapter 4 'Frozen with Fear'

Chapter 5 'Counselling'

Chapter 6 'Bodywork'

Chapter 7 'Simple Things'

Chapter 8 'Making Sense of Secondary Wounding'

Appendix 2 How survivors of sexual assault can have a positive Pap Smear Experience

Helpful books

© 2005-2008 Evelyn Shakespeare